christianity

Doubt Full, Fear Less

/ Kimberly Fraker / Leave a comment

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.  Psalm 56:3

Have you ever kept a journal? 

I have journaled off and on for years. When I was a young girl, journaling wasn’t a thing, so to speak. Diaries were. You know that small hard back book filled with empty pages with a lock on it to keep thoughts and secrets safe. Even though that lock could be easily picked, and all of those diaries could be accessed using the same key (or so it seemed), as a child I found having a diary to be exciting – something of my own that no one else was allowed to have or read. 

Today, you can find a wide array of journals (the modern diary sans the locking mechanism) – pages lined or unlined, colorful or plain, with a ribbon marker or without, some with inspirational quotes or scriptures. I can spend hours looking for just the right one for just the right collection of thoughts. That’s right, I keep multiple journals. I have a travel journal, a home project journal, and a journal for writing ideas. Name a topic and it’s worth journaling about; however, the most cherished journals from my past are the ones containing ordinary daily thoughts, recollections, and reflections. 

Recently, while rearranging and repurposing some décor to make our house fall fabulous, I found some old journals of mine. Two, in particular, are very special – they are the journals I kept while I was pregnant with each of our children.

God has great timing. My daughter is expecting twins within the next month (our first grandchildren) and she has been asking me a lot of questions. As time passes and I believe we often forget that which is unpleasant, some of my answers to her questions about the upcoming blessed event and motherhood have been vague clouded by time. Upon reading the journal I kept for her, so many memories came flooding back. This journal is just what she needs to fill in the gaps and increase her understanding as she embarks on this great adventure called parenthood. 

As I turned each page where I chronicled the past for my son and daughter to absorb in the future, I realized these books aren’t just a play-by-play account of events. They encompass so much more. Within the pages, as you might expect, are my hopes and dreams for myself and each of my children. What they also include that I didn’t expect to find are my insecurities, doubts, and fears. Not just about their birth and motherhood but about myself, my abilities and even my appearance. The words are real and raw. Doubt Full. And a bit fear full as well. 

I couldn’t wait to gift each child with their book so they would know how their stories began, more about who I am (for better or worse) , and how loved they are.

Reading and reflecting, I realize how Doubt Full life is. I am sure this isn’t just me, right? 

No matter how confident and strong I consider myself to be and want others to believe me to be, underneath that layer of confidence and strength there are doubts and fears. 

I doubt a decision. I am afraid I made the wrong decision.

I doubt my ability. I am afraid I will fail. 

I doubt I am enough. I am afraid I am not enough.

Doubts and fears are normal. Some of us are great at hiding them, but we all have them. We just need to keep them in perspective. 

The other thing I noticed throughout my journals is a focus on prayer and thanksgiving. I mention at various times what I have prayed for and give thanks for the things God has given me in my life. In the good times and trying times, I never lost my focus on the Father. I don’t know why this surprised me. I guess because sometimes I get entrenched in the doubt and fear of life and take the love and care of God for granted. My writings made me realize that even during the times I know I strayed from my faith walk, God was there, and I knew it deep inside.

Throughout scripture, there are reminders to have faith, to give our fears and doubts to God. As the saying goes, let your faith be bigger than your fear. It doesn’t mean you won’t fear or doubt or worry. It does mean as you live your life Doubt Full you can Fear Less with God by your side. 

Keep this in mind as you move into this new day. A new day where you acknowledge your doubts, your fears. A new day where you are reminded to share it with God and turn the outcome over to Him. 

Today and every day, you can be Doubt Full and Fear Less. 

(You might even consider starting a journal – it might help someone else in the future, just when they need it most!)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
    he delivered me from all my fears.  Psalm 34:4


Roles and Responsibilities

/ Kimberly Fraker / Leave a comment

(Sorry for the lag since my last post. September in Georgia was challenging and devastating for many. In one month, there was a tragic school shooting, Hurricane Helene, and then a massive chemical fire. Consequently, I took a few weeks to step back and remain silent as I felt my fervent prayers were more beneficial than any post or posts I could author. I find at times there is great power in silence – more on that in a future post. As I continue to pray for those in our state and those in neighboring states still reeling and beginning slowly to recover from the events of September, I am getting back to the blog and offering reminders to all that God is in control and working for our good.)

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.             Isaiah 9:6

I learned very early, at the age of 15, that when you accept a job it comes with an established set of responsibilities associated with the role of the position. The employer has specific expectations for the performance of your duties. From my first job at the local community pool to various positions at a popular amusement park to opportunities in the field of advertising and public relations to my career in education, the responsibilities grew along the way in proportion to the position and my experience. 

We each have work-related expectations and duties, but we also have less official roles and responsibilities that we fulfill in our lives. I am wife, mom (and a dog and cat mom too), daughter, sister, niece, cousin, aunt, in-law, friend, volunteer, and soon-to-be grandmama. With each of these informal titles there are obligations and expectations too. Add all your personal accountabilities together with those that go along with your paying job and the total most likely exceeds your capacity for performance. 

For example, you may be exceeding those expectations at the office but as a result you won’t be winning spouse of the year. Or you may be the exemplar for the model parent but to maintain that you miss a deadline or two on the job. It is definitely a balancing act. I often tell people if things are good at home and stressful at work (or vice versa), I’m good. It’s when both are rocky that I’m in real trouble. 

Being all things to all people in all roles is an impossible expectation; however, many of us place that on ourselves. Superman got nothing on me* – right? Wrong. None of us are superhuman and we can never consistently be everything for everyone in our lives. But there is someone who can. 

Upon birth, Jesus was given some very weighty roles and responsibilities: Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace. He is our Mighty God. This is what we need to remember when we feel the pressure of those accumulated expectations of all the roles we play in our lives. To balance our roles and responsibilities we can lean on the one who can do it all. The one who can be all things to all people. Everything to Everyone. 

Are over extended?  Are some things slipping on your list of responsibilities? If so, slide those things right over to the Everlasting Father. He will help you strike the perfect balance.

The weight of the world is on His shoulders. It doesn’t have to be on yours.

*Charlie Puth lyric from “One Call Away”