When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.  Psalm 56:3

Have you ever kept a journal? 

I have journaled off and on for years. When I was a young girl, journaling wasn’t a thing, so to speak. Diaries were. You know that small hard back book filled with empty pages with a lock on it to keep thoughts and secrets safe. Even though that lock could be easily picked, and all of those diaries could be accessed using the same key (or so it seemed), as a child I found having a diary to be exciting – something of my own that no one else was allowed to have or read. 

Today, you can find a wide array of journals (the modern diary sans the locking mechanism) – pages lined or unlined, colorful or plain, with a ribbon marker or without, some with inspirational quotes or scriptures. I can spend hours looking for just the right one for just the right collection of thoughts. That’s right, I keep multiple journals. I have a travel journal, a home project journal, and a journal for writing ideas. Name a topic and it’s worth journaling about; however, the most cherished journals from my past are the ones containing ordinary daily thoughts, recollections, and reflections. 

Recently, while rearranging and repurposing some décor to make our house fall fabulous, I found some old journals of mine. Two, in particular, are very special – they are the journals I kept while I was pregnant with each of our children.

God has great timing. My daughter is expecting twins within the next month (our first grandchildren) and she has been asking me a lot of questions. As time passes and I believe we often forget that which is unpleasant, some of my answers to her questions about the upcoming blessed event and motherhood have been vague clouded by time. Upon reading the journal I kept for her, so many memories came flooding back. This journal is just what she needs to fill in the gaps and increase her understanding as she embarks on this great adventure called parenthood. 

As I turned each page where I chronicled the past for my son and daughter to absorb in the future, I realized these books aren’t just a play-by-play account of events. They encompass so much more. Within the pages, as you might expect, are my hopes and dreams for myself and each of my children. What they also include that I didn’t expect to find are my insecurities, doubts, and fears. Not just about their birth and motherhood but about myself, my abilities and even my appearance. The words are real and raw. Doubt Full. And a bit fear full as well. 

I couldn’t wait to gift each child with their book so they would know how their stories began, more about who I am (for better or worse) , and how loved they are.

Reading and reflecting, I realize how Doubt Full life is. I am sure this isn’t just me, right? 

No matter how confident and strong I consider myself to be and want others to believe me to be, underneath that layer of confidence and strength there are doubts and fears. 

I doubt a decision. I am afraid I made the wrong decision.

I doubt my ability. I am afraid I will fail. 

I doubt I am enough. I am afraid I am not enough.

Doubts and fears are normal. Some of us are great at hiding them, but we all have them. We just need to keep them in perspective. 

The other thing I noticed throughout my journals is a focus on prayer and thanksgiving. I mention at various times what I have prayed for and give thanks for the things God has given me in my life. In the good times and trying times, I never lost my focus on the Father. I don’t know why this surprised me. I guess because sometimes I get entrenched in the doubt and fear of life and take the love and care of God for granted. My writings made me realize that even during the times I know I strayed from my faith walk, God was there, and I knew it deep inside.

Throughout scripture, there are reminders to have faith, to give our fears and doubts to God. As the saying goes, let your faith be bigger than your fear. It doesn’t mean you won’t fear or doubt or worry. It does mean as you live your life Doubt Full you can Fear Less with God by your side. 

Keep this in mind as you move into this new day. A new day where you acknowledge your doubts, your fears. A new day where you are reminded to share it with God and turn the outcome over to Him. 

Today and every day, you can be Doubt Full and Fear Less. 

(You might even consider starting a journal – it might help someone else in the future, just when they need it most!)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
    he delivered me from all my fears.  Psalm 34:4